The Immigrant

Immigration is a hot topic in America and has been for many years. People immigrate to America for many reasons, often including the possibility of freedom and the opportunity to make lifelong dreams come true. Many come to America through the immigration system and these are the people we do not hear much about. It's those who have found it so impossible to realize their dream that they've resorted to illegal action that are heard about the most. But just because an immigrant has made the effort to do things the right way and follow the laws of the country to which they have immigrated, doesn't mean there are any guarantees they will be allowed to stay.

Tomorrow Mario brings me to the office to apply for my Residence Permit to stay in Germany. The people we see have the power to give me permission to stay here for the next two to five years as long as I adhere to the rules and restrictions set before me. Or they have the option to say I must go back to America. They can choose the latter decision due to insufficient paperwork on my part, due to a loss of paperwork on their part, and a million other reasons. Though I am told not to worry, I now understand the fear and trepidation immigrants to the United States must go through, even after following legal procedures.

More than likely, everything will work out and my worrying will be for nothing. But, on the slim chance that something falls through the cracks of the immigration system, I can be asked to leave the country where my dreams lie...the country that is now my home...and, most difficult of all, the man whom I love with all my heart. I can be told I must pack my bags and be out of here within a few days' notice and there is nothing anyone can do, if that happens.

I chose to come to Germany for love; because it was the perfect time in my life to transition to a new phase and take the steps to make my dream come true....the dream of being here with Mario. I didn't leave America because of war or hardship or for religious sanction. I didn't leave because I was desperate for a better life for my family. Many who immigrate to America and other countries leave for these reasons and now I understand the fears and feelings they must experience. I understand them to a small extent.

I'm not afraid to be returned to a country that will kill me or put me in jail or allow me and my family to starve to death. I have nothing more than the normal complaints about America. I have respect and love for the country that was my home for many, many years.

I am afraid that, after finding the love of my life after thirty years, I will be torn away from him again, the way I was in 1980. I am afraid we could be apart for an undetermined amount of time and that any amount of time apart will be unbearable for us both. And though I know we have the ability to find our way back to each other now, unlike 1980, the irrational fear that we will be separated for years again or forever sits in the forefront of my mind. I am afraid to go to the office tomorrow. I would rather stay here, at home, where no one can tell me "stay" or "go".

The fear that other immigrants feel must be unbearable at times. The knowledge that they can be returned to a hostile country or a life of doom at a moment's notice must be difficult to live with. How can you live on the cusp of realizing a dream, yet have the stress and fear that it can be ripped away from you at any time?

"Everything will be fine...everything will be fine." Those are the words that reverberate in my head. But until my appointment at the office tomorrow is over and until I have my Residence Permit in my hand, I am grossly aware that I am the immigrant and whether this dream that is my life continues or ends rests solely in the hands of people who will see me one time, for a few minutes, and nothing more.