Germany From the Back of a Motorbike

The year before high school graduation, a classmate I barely knew was killed while riding on the back of her boyfriend's motorcycle. Her tragic and untimely death had such an impact on me that I never got on another motorcycle again.

Fast forward thirty years and entering stage left comes a man who has swept me off my feet and caused me to consider trying new and different things because I want to share in his excitement and joy the same way he wants to share in my interests. When Mario and I first began talking on the phone and he mentioned his love for motorbiking, I told him I thought that was great for him but I didn't ride on motorcycles. He never pressured me but when he spoke excitedly about motorbiking he would occasionally say "I hope someday we can do this together. I would really love to go motorbiking with you."

Eventually, love won out. I wanted the two of us to share in each other's interests and when I thought about it, motorbiking combined Mario's love of being out on the bike with my loves of the outdoors, travel and photography. I consented to ride on the bike with him but made it clear that I didn't want to go too fast and I didn't want to be scared. If either of those occurred, it would likely be my last ride.

My second day in Germany we decided to go for a test ride to see how I liked it and, if I liked it, we would commence to buy all the motorbiking gear I would need in order to ride safely. In Germany, it is the law that you wear a helmet. It's also highly recommended that you have a motorcycle jacket with padding, motorcycle pants with padding, gloves and special boots. The first ride was a little bit scary. Not because Mario went too fast or anything bad happened, but because I needed to let go of my fears. Despite those fears, I could tell that this was something I could really learn to love if I just allowed myself to do so.

As of my third week here, I've had all my motorbiking gear. When I put it all on I feel like a Storm Trooper or Ralphie's kid brother from the movie "A Christmas Story", in the scene where the little brother falls down in the snow and his snowsuit is so huge and thick he can't get up. I've learned to move and manuever better in my gear and I know it makes me safer. I've also learned to always wear my hair in a ponytail before putting my helmet on because it's not fun trying to brush all the windblown knots out of my hair after being on the bike all day. Another tip, it's wise to sacrifice a little bit of beauty and vanity...earrings really hurt when my helmet is smashing the posts into the sides of my head like the screws on the sides of Frankenstein's neck.

What I thought I might love about being on the motorbike has turned out to be true: I enjoy being outdoors, I enjoy traveling around even if it's local and I love taking all the photographs of places, buildings and people. I'm happy that Mario and I have something we enjoy doing together. Surprisingly, the thing I love most about riding on the back of the motorbike is something I never considered: the feeling of freedom.

When I'm on the back of the bike there are no worries. There's no stress about work or money and day-to-day pressures disappear. If I woke up that morning and my mood wasn't what I would have liked it to be, being out on the motorbike lifts my spirits as if lifting my mood higher and higher with each passing kilometer. On the back of the bike Mario and I are one entity. There is nothing to disturb or distract us and our only companions are the wind, the road and the scenery.

In the past month, I've seen and experienced many areas of Germany on the back of the bike. If you asked me, on a sunny day with decent temperatures, if I'd rather travel by car or bike I'd most likely say "Motorbike, please." The view is different, the peace undeniable and how else can I travel and see the land with my arms wrapped tight around the waist of the man I love?

From the back of Mario's motorbike I've seen magnificent fields of flowers, old castles, a brown charcoal mine, various parts of the Rhine River, quaint little villages, and people going through the motions of everyday life. Somehow or another, it's all a bit more meaningful and magical on the back of the bike.

Mario says that one day I need to have my own motorbike and my adamant reply is always "no thank you!" Aside from the fact that I simply don't want one, why would I want to sacrifice the magic that occurs when we ride together? And why would I want to foresake the peace and contentment that awaits me in my spot on the back of the bike?

One Month in Germany

After a brief writing hiatus, I am back in the saddle again. I have been in my new home now for one month and six days. Everyday is an adjustment, for both of us, and change is my constant companion. But life is full of change no matter where you are. We can choose to change along with life or stubbornly stand in the same place as the rest of the world moves forward. By moving to Germany to be with the love of my life, I brought all this change on myself and, with that in mind, I don't complain much. Yes, change brings obstacles and frustrations...it forces you to step outside your comfort zone and puts you in the position of having to learn and try new things. But, more importantly than that, having the courage to change brings many new and wonderful experiences, people, emotions and opportunities and it is on these positive things that I choose to focus.

Communication is often a challenge. I learn more German words everyday and can understand much, much more than I speak. But there are instances everyday where I don't understand what someone is saying or I understand them but don't have the words to respond. Often, I think of the proper response two or three hours later, long after the conversation is over. This doesn't help much with the earlier conversation but it gives me words for the next time.

I have also found that many people here are eager to speak English with me. As soon as they hear my American accent or I slip and say one word in English, they say "Oh, English!" and begin to respond as best they can in English that ranges from very broken to well-spoken. At home, we speak primarily English. German words are sprinkled here and there and I am trying to make more of an effort to use more German words. Habits form fast, though, and the English words spill forth from my mouth before I even stop to think about how to say what I want to say in German. But I have to try. I feel that my inability to communicate for myself sometimes gives the impression that I'm not intelligent and that is an impression I don't want to leave with people. As a writer, words are very important to me and I consider myself well-spoken. So I must now learn so I can communicate intelligently here, as well.

Learning to and making the effort to communicate will help me meet people, too, which is vital to me having a happy life in Germany. Similar to women in America, it's difficult to make friends here. Not impossible, just difficult. Women in the middle of their lives, no matter what country they live in, have families to take care of, houses to keep and jobs to do. Friendship often falls by the wayside in an effort to balance everything else. I cannot rely on my sweetheart for all the companionship I need and want. That's not healthy for him, me or us. So I go out, by myself, everyday to walk, ride my bike or take the train to go shopping. I speak to other people every chance I get and continue to put myself out there because I know that's the only way to meet people. By doing this I know the day will come when I meet a new friend and the wait will have been worth it. Girlfriends are an important, and often overlooked, part of our lives as women. I treasure my girlfriends in America and miss them dearly and I am excited as I anticipate making my first friend in my new home. Some things take time.

The process of extending my Residence Permit from three months to one year continues. Doctor's appointments and insurance papers are the priority now as I must have health insurance in order to stay. It is the law. As a woman who has always been independent and able to do things for herself, it is a new and sometimes frustrating experience to need to have someone with you to translate at the doctor's office or any other office for that matter. I am grateful for Mario's help. It would be near impossible for me to do all these things myself. I could do it, other immigrants do. But the level of frustration and stress would be enormous and I can clearly envision the confusion and mistakes that would be made due to the language barrier. When we are exhausted from going to appointments or I am frustrated with the cost, the process and the hoops that have to be jumped through, we look at each other and say "This is for us" and that makes it all worthwhile.

Now that the newness of being here is over and I know the local streets pretty well, can find the stores I need and am able to venture out to the city by myself, it is time for me to find my way in Germany. Mario and I value our time together but the most healthy relationships consist of two people who also have their own lives. Now it's time for me to make my own life in Germany. It's scary sometimes. Sometimes I feel isolated. Other times it's very exciting and I see so many opportunities. Despite the gamut of emotions I often feel throughout the course of the day, there is one feeling that remains consistent and constant: I am home. This is my home. I am with the man I love and this is where I belong. I will always be an American and I'm proud of that. I look forward to many holidays visiting my children in America and having them come here to visit me. But this is my home. Not just in Germany, not just in this quaint little village I love so much, not only in the white house in the middle of the street, but in Mario's arms. I have found my home in the arms of the man I love.